1. To separate emotionally from the family of one’s childhood so as to invest fully in the marriage and, at the same time, to redefine the lines of connection with both families of origin.


2. To build togetherness by creating the intimacy that supports it while carving out each partner’s autonomy. These issues are central throughout the marriage but loom especially large at the outset, at midlife, and at retirement.


3. To embrace the daunting roles of parents and to absorb the impact of the baby’s dramatic entrance. At the same time, the couple must work to protect their own privacy.


4. To confront and master the inevitable crises of life, maintaining the strength of the bond in the face of adversity.


5. To create a safe haven for the expression of differences, anger, and conflict.


6. To establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from the incursions of the workplace and family obligations.


7. To use laughter and humor to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom by sharing fun, interests and friends.


8. To provide nurturance and comfort to each other, satisfying each partner’s needs for dependency and offering continuing encouragement and support.


9. To keep alive the early romantic, idealized images of falling in love while facing the sober realities of the changes wrought by time.

There are powerful forces working against the development of strong, happy marriages. These include:

1. Both spouses working longer hours.


2. Daily commuting and frequent geographic moves.


3. Job insecurity and unemployment


4. Confusion over adult male and female, husband and wife, father and mother roles.


5. Hostility or indifference to marriage and family by the community


6. The predominant societal attitude of of me-first selfishness.


7. The ease by which divorces are granted


8. The constant presence of sexual temptations through pornography, the media, contraception, abortion, and lust-inducing fashions in clothing.

Therefore, it is absolutely essential that every couple learn how to counter these forces through their own efforts, as well as through counseling, spiritual direction, and membership in a positive Catholic community

Saint Michael’s Institute for the Psychological Sciences sees the following five specific factors as the firm bases for a Marriage Program for the developmental of good marriages. This program can be implemented in communion with parishes, lay renewal movements, and other organizations. The five factors are:

1. Pre-marital preparation


2. Healing of the injuries, deprivations, and conflicts of the past of each spouse.


3. Learning the skills of positive communication, conflict-resolution, and forgiveness.


4. Education about the truth, beauty and goodness of the Catholic message on marriage, sexuality and love.


5. Development of the virtues and practices needed for a strong marital and family spirituality.


6. On-going and active participation in friendships and Catholic community supportive of your marriage and family life.

As the external negative forces of society increase, this in-depth, comprehensive, ongoing and practical marriage program must increase internationally and become the primary focus of all bishops, priests and lay leaders.